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Labeled a silent epidemic by a growing number of therapists and researchers, estrangement is one of the most disorienting and painful experiences of a parent’s life. Popular opinion typically tells a one-sided story of parents who got what they deserved or overly entitled adult children who wrongly blame their parents. However, the reasons for estrangement are far more complex and varied. As a result of rising rates of individualism, an increasing cultural emphasis on happiness, growing economic insecurity, and a historically recent perception that parents are obstacles to personal growth, many parents find themselves forever shut out of the lives of their adult children and grandchildren.

As a trusted psychologist whose own daughter cut off contact for several years and eventually reconciled, Dr. Joshua Coleman is uniquely qualified to guide parents in navigating these fraught interactions. He helps to alleviate the ongoing feelings of shame, hurt, guilt, and sorrow that commonly attend these dynamics. By placing estrangement into a cultural context, Dr. Coleman helps parents better understand the mindset of their adult children and teaches them how to implement the strategies for reconciliation and healing that he has seen work in his forty years of practice. Rules of Estrangement gives parents the language and the emotional tools to engage in meaningful conversation with their child, the framework to cultivate a healthy relationship moving forward, and the ability to move on if reconciliation is no longer possible.

While estrangement is a complex and tender topic, Dr. Coleman’s insightful approach is based on empathy and understanding for both the parent and the adult child.

Joshua Coleman, PhD, is a psychologist in private practice and Senior Fellow with the Council on Contemporary Families. A frequent guest on NPR and Today, his advice has also appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, the Wall Street Journal, CNN, Chicago Tribune and other publications. A popular conference speaker, he has given talks to the faculties at Harvard, the Weill Cornell Department of Psychiatry and other academic institutions. Dr. Coleman is co-editor with historian Stephanie Coontz of seven online volumes of Unconventional Wisdom: News You Can Use: a compendium of noteworthy research on the contemporary family. He is the father of three adult children, has a teenage grandson and lives with his wife in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is the author of The Marriage Makeover: Finding Happiness in Imperfect Harmony. His latest book is Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict.

Shermer and Coleman discuss:

• Coleman’s personal experience with estrangement
• marriage and divorce: generational trends
• Haidt’s The Anxious Generation, Shrier’s Bad Therapy, Twenge’s Generations
• finding happiness in imperfect marriage
• When should couples stay together for the kids or divorce?
• What does it mean to be estranged?
• parent’s perspective vs. the adult child’s perspective
• divorce and estrangement
• causes of estrangement:
  • rising rates of individualism
  • an increasing cultural emphasis on happiness
  • growing economic insecurity
  • historically recent perception that parents are obstacles to personal growth
• narcissism and parentification
• mental illness and addiction
• psychotherapy: good and bad
• gender identity, sexuality, religion, politics, personality clashes
• sons-in-law, daughters-in-law
• cult of one
• estranged siblings
• estrangement and inheritance
• estranged grandparents
• reconciliation and abandonment
• how lives turn out.

If you enjoy the podcast, please show your support by making a $5 or $10 monthly donation.

Researchers have designed a protocol for harnessing the power of quantum sensors. The protocol could give sensor designers the ability to fine-tune quantum systems to sense signals of interest, creating sensors that are vastly more sensitive than traditional sensors.

Researchers have designed a protocol for harnessing the power of quantum sensors. The protocol could give sensor designers the ability to fine-tune quantum systems to sense signals of interest, creating sensors that are vastly more sensitive than traditional sensors.

A new study focuses on how a particular Kagome metal interacts with light to generate what are known as plasmon polaritons -- nanoscale-level linked waves of electrons and electromagnetic fields in a material, typically caused by light or other electromagnetic waves.

Scientists have revealed that injury dressings found in first-aid kits can reliably be used to identify shark species involved in bite incidents by deploying medical gauze to gather DNA samples from aquatic equipment, such as surfboards.

Physicists have been exploring the theoretical possibility of spaceships driven by compressing the four-dimensional spacetime for decades. Although this so-called 'warp drive' originates from the realm of science fiction, it is based on concrete descriptions in general relativity. A new study takes things a step further -- simulating the gravitational waves such a drive might emit if it broke down.

Physicists have been exploring the theoretical possibility of spaceships driven by compressing the four-dimensional spacetime for decades. Although this so-called 'warp drive' originates from the realm of science fiction, it is based on concrete descriptions in general relativity. A new study takes things a step further -- simulating the gravitational waves such a drive might emit if it broke down.

A research group has developed a new method that further improves the existing CRISPR/Cas technologies: it allows a more precise and seamless introduction of tags into proteins at the gene level. This technology could significantly improve research on proteins in living organisms and opens up new possibilities for medical research.

Modern cutting-edge research generates enormous amounts of data, presenting scientists with the challenge of visualizing and analyzing it. Researchers have developed a tool for visualizing large data sets. The sCIRCLE tool allows users to explore single-cell analysis data in an interactive and user-friendly way.

North Sea oil and gas extraction can cause pollution to spike by more than 10,000 percent within half a kilometer around off-shore sites, a study has found. The research has uncovered the true impact on Britain's seabed life -- with the number of species plummeting nearly 30 percent near platforms.

Companies may unintentionally hurt their sales by including the words 'artificial intelligence' when describing their offerings that use the technology, according to a recent study. Researchers conducted experimental surveys with more than 1,000 adults in the U.S. to evaluate the relationship between AI disclosure and consumer behavior. The findings consistently showed products described as using artificial intelligence were less popular.

A team developed a novel method to successfully visualise electron-hole crystals in an exotic quantum material. Their breakthrough could pave the way for new advancements in computing technologies, including in-memory and quantum computing.

Since athletes in the 2020 Tokyo Olympics smashed multiple records in track and field, running enthusiasts and exercise physiologists have speculated on what role new-generation high-tech running spikes -- sometimes called super spikes -- played.

An algorithm can help healthcare professionals recognize which patients have a highly aggressive form of basal cell carcinoma (BCC) of the face. If more BCCs are correctly identified as high-risk, the patients can directly receive the most effective treatment.

A dual-chamber wireless pacemaker provides reliable performance over three months, bolstering evidence for this new pacemaker option.

A dual-chamber wireless pacemaker provides reliable performance over three months, bolstering evidence for this new pacemaker option.

Researchers have found that training successive generations of generative artificial intelligence models on synthetic data gives rise to self-consuming feedback loops.

Nanozymes are tiny, engineered substances that mimic the catalytic properties of natural enzymes, and they serve a variety of purposes in biomedicine, chemical engineering, and environmental applications. They are typically made from inorganic materials, including metal-based elements, which makes them unsuitable for many purposes due to their toxicity and high production costs. Organic-based nanozymes partially overcome some of these problems and have the potential for a broader range of applications, including food and agriculture, but they are still in the early stages of development. A new paper provides an overview of the current state of organic nanozymes and their future potential.

Researchers develop a more environmentally friendly approach to manufacturing nano-scale microchip devices using water as a solvent in place of toxic chemicals. The method not only cleans up the manufacturing waste stream, but also enables the integration of electronic and biological components.

By diving into the sun's corona, NASA's Parker Solar Probe has ruled out S-shaped bends in the sun's magnetic field as a cause of the corona's searing temperatures.